Selling: A People Business

As an expert in the area of sales and sales management, I admit that I see the world through a sales lens (forgive me – occupational hazard). But so much of what makes for an excellent sales process also makes for great interpersonal relationships. After all, effective selling depends upon strong connection skills.

That being the case, the one piece of advice I have offered to salespeople more than anything else over the years has its origin not in sales but in the study of interpersonal communication. The advice is given by Stephen Covey in his classic book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Covey suggests: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”

This principle is at the core of effective sales, and it is paramount to healthy relationships. Covey points out that, “most people don’t listen with the intent to understand – they listen with the intent to respond.” So true.

The direct application of this concept (both in sales and in life) revolves around a critical life skill: childlike curiosity. Most people are just not curious enough about the lives of those around them. I know I’m guilty. I tend to get self-absorbed with my own problems, concerns, goals and dreams. This precludes me from becoming deeply interested in the person I am talking to. This is a shame, because everyone has a story tell and everyone has something to contribute.

The issue really comes down to one critical skill, both in the sales arena and in our work relationships: the ability to ask good questions. Curiosity demands questions; just ask any 4-year-old. Curious people are more about being interested in others than about being interested to others.

Let me offer a direct application here. One curiosity question that is most definitely worth developing is the phrase: “Tell me more about that.” This simple request encourages people to go deeper. It gives them permission to open up. And it is the basis of a deeper understanding. “Tell me more about that.” “Can I ask you to go a little deeper there?” “Talk to me. I want to know more.” Find a way to encourage the other person to share on a deeper level.

This communication tactic works because the really important points that lead us to understanding are not typically found at the top level of a conversation. Even though we might ask the direct question, “How are you?” when we see someone, the response is typically shallow, and in many cases inaccurate. The follow-up questions – the “go deeper” questions – challenges the other person to share what’s really going on.

You can take the two most disparate people on the planet and put them in the same room. As long as one of the two is about understanding more than about being understood, they will find common ground somewhere.

In your day-to-day relationships, start practicing the principles of understanding and childlike curiosity. Take an interest in other people, and you’ll change their world!


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About the Author: Jeff Shore

Jeff Shore is the Founder and CEO of Shore Consulting, Inc. a company specializing in psychology-based sales training programs. Using these modern, game-changing techniques, Jeff Shore’s clients delivered over 145,000 new homes generating $54 billion in revenue last year.