Understanding the Buyer’s Backstory
One of the most common questions salespeople ask a customer when they walk through the door is some version of: “So, what are you looking for?”
Maybe you’ve asked it. I know I have. In fact, many of us were trained to start the conversation that way.
But here’s the problem: that question only tells you where the customer is going, not where they’ve been.
In sales, the destination matters, but the journey matters even more. The real insight lives in the buyer’s backstory: the frustrations, disappointments, and life moments that pushed them to start shopping in the first place.
When you understand that context, you stop pushing features and start solving real problems.
1. Learn the Difference Between the Front Story and the Backstory
Most sales conversations begin with what I call the front story. The front story includes the obvious details customers readily share:
- Price range
- Number of bedrooms
- Desired features
- Purchase timeline
It doesn’t take a particularly skilled salesperson to gather this information. In many cases, a customer could simply fill it out on a registration card. But the backstory is completely different.
The backstory includes:
- The frustration that pushed them to start looking
- A life change or turning point
- A disappointment with their current situation
- The moment they finally said, “I can’t stand this anymore.”
Understanding this deeper context helps you move beyond surface-level selling and into truly professional selling, something I talk more about in What Professional Selling Is All About.
2. Remember: People Buy Because of What They’re Escaping
Here’s an important truth about buying behavior: people don’t buy because of where they’re going, they buy because of what they’re trying to get away from. Salespeople naturally want to jump into solution mode. We love forward motion. We want to start fixing things immediately.
But when we move too quickly, we often end up solving the wrong problem.
Imagine calling a financial advisor and saying, “I’m stressed about money.” If the advisor immediately asks whether you prefer stocks or mutual funds, they’re jumping to tactics before understanding the real issue.
Stress about money isn’t about products; it’s about history, decisions, fears, and pressure.
The same is true in sales. Buying decisions are deeply emotional experiences, which is why understanding the balance between logic and emotion is so important in the customer journey. I explore that idea further in Logic vs Emotion: The Buyer’s Experience.
3. Create the Space for Buyers to Share Their Story
Whenever I talk about backstories, someone always asks the same question: Do buyers actually want to share that information? My answer is simple: Yes, if they trust you.
Buyers are often willing to share their story with someone who shows genuine curiosity and interest. But if you immediately rush into specifications, pricing, and features, there’s no reason for them to open up.
Instead of starting with “What are you looking for?”, try leading with curiosity.
For example:
“Before we get into the details, can I ask you something? What’s been happening that made you decide now is the right time to start looking?”
That question doesn’t feel intrusive. It feels thoughtful. And it opens the door to understanding the context behind the purchase.
Strong sales conversations are built on curiosity, thoughtful questions, and engagement, principles that are also key to keeping buyers involved in the process, as I discuss in 4 Strategies to Keep Your Prospect Engaged.
4. Stop Selling Things and Start Selling Solutions
When you truly understand the buyer’s backstory, something powerful happens. You stop:
- Pushing features
- Matching specifications
- Delivering generic presentations
Instead, you start:
- Solving real problems
- Relieving pressure
- Addressing the buyer’s true motivations
At that point, the buyer feels understood, not handled.
This is also where many salespeople make a critical mistake by overwhelming customers with features instead of focusing on meaningful solutions. If you’ve ever fallen into that trap, you’ll recognize it in Feature Dumping: Sales Skills Your Customer Doesn’t Appreciate.
Conclusion
If you want to improve your sales conversations, start by slowing the beginning down. Resist the urge to jump straight to solutions. Instead, focus on understanding your customer’s journey.
Ask fewer forward-looking questions and one thoughtful backward-looking question.
Because when you understand where your customer has been, guiding them toward where they should go becomes much easier.
As I often say, if you know your customer well enough, the sale will roll out right in front of you. Which raises a question worth thinking about before your next sales conversation:
What backstory might your next buyer be carrying with them?
